I Need Someone to Talk to, but I Don’t Want to Talk to Someone (An Essay About Trust Issues)

This is an essay about trust issues.

This does not contain scientific or psychological facts about how our human brain could hinder us from opening up to someone.

But this will let you know how it feels to actually have trust issues.

And no, it is not that simple.

 

When I was young, everything is wonderful, colorful, beautiful; you name it. Every positive word from the dictionary is a possible adjective for how I will describe life. The place I’m living is marvelous, my family is tremendous, my friends are a blessing and I am living an exceptional life.

 

My family may often read my private messages with my friends or check my history on the internet but that’s okay.  I will just be mad at them for hours then my exceptional life will return.

 

And then one day, the place I’m living in lost its marvelousness when a kid near the block suddenly cursed me and asked for a fight with me when I was just crossing down the street by myself.

My family lost their tremendousness when my dad had an affair that made my family fake happiness for every single day for the sake of their children, which includes me.

My friends turned into a curse when they gave up on me and decided to ruin my name when I thought our friendship will stay forever.

In short, I was living in the opposite of an exceptional life.

 

I was sad, so sad that I couldn’t even cry.

But I never lost hope.

I moved to another city to find another marvelous city to move in and things became different. It is not as marvelous as before but it was better than the previous one.

My family tried to regain their tremendousness by talking things through and not leaving each other’s side.

I tried to gain new friends from the new marvelous place that I’m living in and hoped that my past relationship with my friends would turn into a blessing in disguise. And I was happy.

 

Or so I thought.

 

When I moved to that new marvelous city, my phone got stolen that gave me that perception that the world is a very mean place.

 

When my family tried to work things out, I realized that we are just forcing each other to become that tremendous family that we once were.

 

When I found new friends, I found out that my former friends were even better than them and made me miss my past friends even though they betrayed me.

 

And the cycle went on and on.

 

Then there are some scenarios in my life that I just want to trash those trust issues that have been living within my heart for years but then a voice will whisper saying that I could never get away with it.

 

There are some times when I just want to reveal everything to someone, my deepest thoughts, my darkest secrets, my most honest opinions, but I just can’t. Because that someone might just turn into those people who disappointed me before.

 

So yeah, this is a quite informal essay about trust issues.

This does not contain scientific or psychological facts about how our human brain could hinder us from opening up to someone.

But this will let you know how it feels to actually have trust issues.

And no, it is not that simple.

And I know, you have it too.

So if you feel the same way, put it in the comment section down below and let’s talk things through.

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