Because no matter how many times I look away I still end up looking your way
Six long years
Six years and counting
And that is how long I love you
The first time I met you, we were both strangers trying to get by in high school. I don’t care about you; you don’t care about me. But everything changed when you sit right next to me. I thought I could leave without a scratch but I was a fool for believing so. And now six years and counting I am still in an unrequited love with you.
You said hi
You looked my way
And that is how I remember my first love
We became friends, unknowingly. You make a joke, I laugh at them; I tell you a secret, you keep them. That is how close we’ve become. At first I could not notice of how we are similar, of how we are alike. You were quiet, I was talkative, you like keeping things to yourself, I like to share my stories to people, you don’t like participating in anything, I like to be in charge of everything. But, no matter how opposite we were there are things that only the two of us like and understood and that is why I come to like you.
First of firsts
First love, first everything
And that is how my unrequited love began
We could have been the best of friends in the first year of high school. When we both noticed no matter how the seating arrangement changes you still end up sitting beside me. If not only for a rumor that I like you. Those times I was uncertain of my feelings because I was naïve, and you are unfeeling. But, that rumor it broke us. It broke of what we might have become before I realized my feelings there you are growing farther away from me. Then when you stray too far I then realized I was already falling for you.
Second painful heartbreak
Second time I lost
And that is how we lost touch
First day of sophomore I remember how our eyes collided, I remember how hurt I was when you were the first to look away. I thought then that it’s time to move on after all it’s too young to look for a relationship and so I tried. I was busy struggling in maintaining my honor role, being a class president, keeping up with my extra co-curricular activities, going out with my friends; but, I don’t know why how I still find the time to simply look at you and think of what might have been. But this year you were just too out of reach.
Third hopeless chance
Third chance to confess
And that is how I wasted another opportunity
The summer before being juniors I don’t remember who messaged first but our awkward conversations turned to be sleepless nights sharing of each other’s experiences and thoughts. It was like you are giving a shot of us being friends again. We became closer more than what I could have imagined. You gave me a nickname, you left long messages whenever I am out of touch, you talk about your family problem and we don’t know why but good night messages became something we are accustomed of saying. That junior year I remember how I look forward to being online at six in the evening and logging out at ten in the evening. I remember as well the feeling of secretly exchanging eye contact, or of how you suddenly come behind me and whisper something about the message you left me with, of how you ask me to teach you about something you don’t understand. I remember how in cloud nine I was because finally it’s like the barrier between us is finally having a crack. But I can’t confess because I was too afraid that we’ll be back from where we started.
Final school day
Final chance to confess
And that is how I told you everything
Being seniors I guessed we both matured. We were no longer classmates and I rarely see you in your room, I was too busy with academics, leadership duties and extra co-curricular that I don’t have the time to look for you. And so I thought finally I moved on, but I was completely wrong. because no matter how much I convince myself I no longer care I still do, we continue exchanging messages, when we cross paths you shake my hand, when I turn around I saw you looking at me. Yet, I cannot explain of what changed no matter how close we are it’s like something is blocking our way. But the memory you left me in senior year was at prom. In third year I told you of how I danced with everyone but you and you promised me that this year you would dance with me. I forgot about it but you did not. How cliché it seems to be talking about what you did but I would never have it any other way. The moment that the floor is ready for dancing I went for a dance with my childhood friend but then someone told me you were looking for me. And as I stand there looking for you, you found me. You asked me to dance with you and reminded me of your promise. Gosh, you don’t know how many times I repeated that scene in my life because I fell for you hard. And I confessed everything at graduation yet you gave no response and like in a snap those magical moments in high school vanished.
Unmeasurable painful memory
Unmeasurable longing for you
And that is how I’ve struggled to move on
I fell for you, even without you doing anything. And now I’m trying to move on with this long unrequited love without you doing anything. I guess being in second year college makes you mature enough to think more of yourself rather than of love. It’s been two years since we last saw each other, but I constantly find myself reading your tweets and looking for your posts but that’s the extent I could give for this one sided love. I still love you, there’s no doubt about it because no matter how I tell everyone I already forgot about you I can still feel the painful twinge in my heart when I hear your name or of when I am reminded about you.
Farewell my first love
Farewell my unrequited love
And that is how I wanted to end everything but I can’t
I’ve always wanted to end this with a farewell but I can’t, because six years and six years and counting I still love you. I am still in that painful unrequited love because no matter how many times I look away I still end up looking your way.
Photos taken in Cebu, Philippines