Rachel’s Unsent Letters

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Dear Future Boyfriend,

 

It may be a little awkward to write a letter to you, although you seem to be anonymous until now, both in real life and even in my mind. But even though you’re identity is still undecided and unknown, I just wanted to give you some pointers about myself that I want you to know.

My name is Rachel and I am 10. I may seem young to you by the time that you read this message but the first thing that I want you to know is that I love writing (obviously) and I am a hopeless romantic. Another term may be cliché but the thing is, I always wanted a happy ending. I wanted someone to love me, only me, and bring me flowers, chocolates and stay in a castle with me someday. I wanted to find a prince who would treat me as her princess and have that happily ever after.

 

 

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Love,

your Future Girlfriend

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Dear Future Boyfriend,

 

You may be anonymous when I was 10 but it seemed bizarre that after 2 years, your identity is finally known. It was surprising because I’ve always known you ever since the world began yet I never laid my eyes on you. You were just a neighbor, from my point of view back then but now, you are all I could ever think of. My day will never be complete without talking to you, without seeing you, without playing with you.

But I guess the feelings aren’t that mutual.

I was your friend, you said. But that was it. Because you were already with someone and that you really love her, you added. First love, you said. But I really love you, that’s what I never said.

 

 

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Love,

your future… hoping to be your future Girlfriend

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Dear Future Boyfriend,

 

I don’t know if I should keep calling you future boyfriend because even after four years, you are still together with her despite the fact that you talk to me everyday. Maybe it’s just hard to ignore a person who just lives next to your house but I was happy that even though you are still my ideal future boyfriend, I opened my heart to someone and let him court me for years. This might be the last entry, the last letter that I would write for you, my future boyfriend. And maybe this shall be the last time I should call you my future boyfriend.

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Love,

your admirer who once disguised herself as your future girlfriend

 

 

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Dear Present Boyfriend,

 

I can’t believe that it’s been a month since we’ve been going out. Looking back, I never thought that our love story could even happen. Just like the song said, you were just a dream that I once knew, I never thought I could be right for you. Right now, I wanted to thank destiny for giving us the right timing to make the right decisions for everything. Just after you decided to call me and tell me that you broke up with her, I was on my way to meet with my suitor, about to say yes. But destiny saved me from that wrong decision and now, I am with you, my then future boyfriend and now, my present boyfriend. Thank you for everything, and of course to God for giving us the chance to meet and be led to the right path that we are in right now.

 

I love you.

 

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Love,

finally your present girlfriend

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Dear Present Boyfriend,

 

I went to your house earlier but apparently, you weren’t home. I asked your mom and she said that she heard you on the phone with her and then suddenly told your mom that you were going somewhere important. I waited for you while having a chat with your mom but the surprising fact was that all she could ever say was how in love you were with her. She told me how you two first met, how in love you were with her and how you can’t move on from her. Surprising is that she never even hesitated to tell me the full story without asking if it will be awkward to me;and it didn’t stop there.

The surprise that I felt were nothing when I heard the words, “Until now he still loves her”. I immediately told your mom that I would just call you since my sibling needs to talk to me about something that I made up despite the fact that I can’t make up my own mind from the confusion that’s circling in my head.

 

You never told your mom?

You still love her?

 

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Love,

your confused present girlfriend… or am I even your girlfriend?

 

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Dear Present Boyfriend,

I am very sorry for the trouble that I caused you, for asking. Because of those questions, I heard the truth that I never wanted to hear. That I was just someone you hang out with, your reserve girl after she left you. The girl you wanted to make her jealous. I shouldn’t have asked you because now, we are no longer lovers nor friends at the very least. And now that I am writing this letter and it made me wonder why  I wanted to be friends with you anyways.

I only wanted to have a happily ever after yet you never even gave me your heart, your time, yet I am asking you to give me some flowers and chocolates on the very first letter I wrote for you. I wanted to forgive you right away because I know that you really are a good person inside but you can never blame me for being angry, not at you, but at myself for still believing in fairytales that I should have left right after I entered high school.

But I would like to thank you for teaching me a lesson that will surely have a mark on my heart forever.

Goodbye.

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Love,

Your ex-friend who once assumed as your present girlfriend

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Dear Past Boyfriend,

 

Being in the first year of college made me forget about you for a while. At least, I met a few guys who does not make me their reserve girl anymore. To add to that achievement, I already forgave you. It was actually weird because I missed you.

2nd year of college, I was just thinking about you when I was in the room of the organization that I am in when you walked in, together with her. You greeted me and I greeted you back. Apparently, you joined the organization that I am in with her in your hand. We chatted and tried to just act like we did before, before all the drama came then I realized, no matter how many guys I dated, there will be no one like you.

You coming back into my life was a major distraction that I encountered in my studies. Instead of studying for hours, I spent hundreds of hours staring at the ceiling and thinking of the times we could have been; the times that could have been if you really loved me. You seemed really happy being together once again with her. I wanted to be happy for you but a part of me was tellling you to stop, because the one for you is really me.

Due to those worthless daydreams I spent thinking on our future together, my senses suddenly came back to reality when, for the first time in my life, I failed an exam from stalking your social media accounts the night before the test. During that moment, it made me wonder on who is really more important: you or me?

Then I saw you in a cafe with her, laughing and acting so in love with each other, just like the scene in my fantasy with you, that I decided to choose myself because no matter how I chose you, you will never choose me back.

It may be one-sided for me to call you my past boyfriend but we dated. No matter how people nowadays make it so complicated, you were my boyfriend and I was yours. It may be for a very short span of time but I believed that you were my prince charming; and I honestly found it decent for you to at least make me feel that way, even though it’s not real.

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your past girlfriend

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Dear Past Boyfriend,

Another big distraction happened when you knocked through our door, crying, saying she finally broke up with you and that she will be going overseas. It took three years for me to write to you again and I even totally forgot that there were actually letters that I wrote for you.

We are about to graduate and for the first time, you congratulated me for having that straight path to the Latin Honors that I’ve always wanted, even though you being there made my path crooked. I never really thought that you would show up in our house again after so many years with our friendship that contained empty greetings with continuous walking whenever we see each other in the halls.

We spent the night talking on how things ended with her, how it used to be so steady, how you told her that you would do everything just to be beside her, how you even offered to study abroad just to be near her and how she rejected you everytime you tried to save your relationship.

It was sad for me to think that you were deeply scarred from the things that happened between you but I can’t help debating in my head whether I should ask the most dreadful question that had been going in my head for years. It made me think that it was unfair to ask that kind of question especially now that you are devastated but you noticed that I was silent for awhile that made you ask me of what was wrong. And for me, that was my cue.

Was I your past girlfriend, I asked. You stopped crying and stared at me. I missed those eyes though despising to see it with useless tears. Then you said  that I don’t have to be your girlfriend because the important thing is that what we had was special.

We hung out for a few weeks and to save your dying heart, I transformed myself into an exclusive, passionate heartbreak doctor who will do anything for you. Even though seeing your heart breaking is already enough for you to unconsciously kill your own doctor.

Then the night that we watched that favorite movie with her happened. The night that you kissed me without any spoken word before.

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past girlfr–, I don’t even know what to call myself anymore

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Dear Past boyfriend,

 

Yes, I still address you as my past boyfriend because even after the kiss, you never loved me back. And I was foolish to even believe for a second that my ambition when I was ten would actually be true to life. Because after that kiss, I never heard from you. I tried to call you but you weren’t answering. I tried to message you in every social media account that you have, even signed up for the accounts that I don’t have yet, but it always made me feel quizzical.

Where are you?

So I went to your house and saw your mom, still treating me like just another neighbor she sees everyday and just another neighbor that should know her son’s love story with the love of his life which is her. But today is different because the story is different now because apparently, your love story with her is already in its sequel: you followed her abroad.

I was devastated when I found out the news but your mom never seemed to notice because in her eyes, I am still just a girl whom you were very close with as a young kid. I went home, cried harder and longer as you did, and picked up a pen to write a long message for you which I intended to finally send it to you. But a shocking thing happened; I did not know how to write. While holding that pen, my tears wrote for me instead of my hands doing its own duty. I was planning to tell you how unfair you were, how you should never even have the chance to have a happy ending for the things you made me feel, how my life should have been happy if you never came into my life and how I finally knew that you would never even loved me.

But these were never written during that moment. That’s why instead of staring at a blank paper, with tears constantly flowing from my eyes, I decided to just throw it and sleep all the pain away. Right after I wake up, I decided to study harder to still be in the Latin Honors to make you regret of not choosing me.

And I did it.

Few weeks later, it was graduation and the title Magna Cum Laude was declared right after they said my name. It was the most glorious moment in my life that I wanted to thank every person that contributed my success. There’s my family, friends and classmates and of course, you on the list. Because of you, I was motivated to forget about you which made me study all night and get the highest grades. But I never realized that during that moment because maybe I was still on that bitter phase that I wanted you to suffer by making myself successful while you and her are having that miserable life.

It was funny that it took almost five years to realize that I should be thankful that you came into my life.

Now, I am already twenty-five and although I had no idea where you are right now or how things happened between you two, I am still grateful for the impact you’ve given in my life. I actually reached my goal in life and although a prince charming was missing in my reality created from my fantasy, maturity taught me that I don’t need a prince to be a princess. In fact, I could also be a queen. All I just have to do is wait for my king and I know that he’s just there, hiding. But whoever it is, I hope that it won’t be like you and I hope that I won’t be like the past me because that girl is living in her fantasy and this girl right now, is enjoying her very frank reality with my successful career that I achieved and dreams that I crossed off my bucket list.

 

This shall be the last; and this time, I am serious.

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Love,

Rachel

 

Photos taken in Bataan
Unsent Letters to Papa
The Luckiest Bride
Sweet Nothings
KISMET
Kanser ng Pangarap

 

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